Friday, August 17, 2012

Desire For Greatness

This is not meant to be a self-deprecating post. It is just what I've been honestly been running through in my head. I have been given a blessed life. I KNOW I have. That is not something I take flippantly or without a huge amount of gratitude. I am grateful to my Creator God for the life He personally designed for me & me alone. My life is not without difficulty or frustration but it is one I am greatfull for. I have made some bad choices & I have made some good ones. These, along with an amazing amount of grace & mercy, have produced this life I am in. What I have been pondering for a while now is: am I doing as much with what I've been given as I could? As I should? As I want? As others want? As my Creator desires?
Great, adjective: 1. unusually or comparatively large in size or dimensions 2. large in number 3. unusual or considerable in degree, power, intensity, etc. 4. wonderful; first-rate; very good 5. being such in an extreme or notable degree
I have a desire to be great. In this I am referring to the last two definitions, heck, maybe even #3. (Do we all have this pull? Is this just me?) I've been given a great life & I want to do great things with it. I want to be great. I want to do great things. I want to do great things with the gifts I've been given and the skills (tangible & otherwise) I've developed...Why? To what end? I want to achieve greatness is many aspects of life. Important or superficial, I want to be great. I want to "do" that aspect wonderfully, firt-rate and to an extreme or notable degree. Some are silly & some are more important than others & others still are the most important of all. But it still remains that I want to be great at them: I want to be a great follower of Christ I want to be a great desciple, pray-er, study-er, listener I want to be a great wife, sister, daughter, friend I want to be a great employee I want to be a great dresser, with great style I want to be a great housekeeper I want to be a great steward of this earth, my pets, my posessions I want to be a great church family member I want to be a great pattern maker & seamstress I want to be a great small business owner I want to be a great exercise-er I want to be a great encourager I want to be a great dancer (like I said, some are silly) The list goes on... But again, why? What drives this struggle for greatness in such a wide variety of aspects of my life. Do I want others to think I'm great and what I do &/or accomplish is great? Do I want to think of myself as great for my own self image, self-confidence &/or pride? I look at "great" people and think, I want to do that. Not necessarily their task but their impact. I have stood in awe of what I considered greatness at concerts, speaking events, class rooms, art exhibits, theatre, church services, etc. But with greatness comes responsibly. As cliche as it sounds, it's true. Those "great" people are responsible for what they do with their greatness & how they impact those around them. That's heavy. I don't want that. I just want the good stuff. Not the work. Would I be great at these things if I put in the time to each of them? With as busy as I am, I can be lazy. While I am busy doing, doing, doing, I'm lazy to accomplish the things I desire. I want to look great in "that dress" but I not do the exercise nor the diet to get there. I want to truly HEAR my Savior speak in a great way to me but I'm not willing to be still & listen. Etc. Perhaps my focus must be narrowed. No one can be great in all aspects of their life, no matter how blessed that life may be. Can they? Perhaps I desire too much greatness & should focus on being great in one way. But that seems lazy too. Is this the world's expectations fueling this desire for greatness? I already know the world lies. Or, is this a legitimate conviction that I should do greater things in fewer areas while setting down other areas and stepping away from them.