I've got a great 13 year old girl cast member at work who owns a horse. She & I talk about it quite a bit & she really wanted to see my horse show scrapbook so I took it to work tonight. Several people looked at it with all of the same comments: "What a great album." "You used to ride horses?" "You jumped!". All of those things are nice to hear & my 13 year old cast member loved the album (she even brought pictures of her horse for me to see). What I don't understand is why I can't look through the album & back on all of the great memories & things I learned at the stables without holding back tears? Why do I have to get "really busy" with work & hide behind a rack of costumes because I don't want to break infront of everyone (for goodness sakes my other cast just saw me cry last Saturday!)
I am so greatful for those experiences I had at Mr. Harris' stables. What a totally blessed Orange County kid I was to grow up there. I started riding there in 1981 & stopped around 1992. It was a HUGE part of my life. I learned so much. Loved so much. Grew so much. That's good right? Sure there are some bad memories there (huh Jen?) but that's o.k. those just make it real, a part of life. Why do the memories make me so sad that I want to hide my album & horse show ribbons away so I don't remember for a while (again). What I want is to react how a totally normal person would react: with a huge smile, some pride, lots of great stories to tell & even more memories to treasure in my heart.
Sometimes I just don't make sense to myself. What a dork!
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
2 comments:
143
I'm with you Cate. and I think you are a pretty normal person, a more compassionate, intuitive, feeling person.
when I look at H.S. dance pics I get teary, I don't look at them often. I can't tell if I miss being there (my fam was better, I was a better, purer person...) or if I remember the angst of that time.
Post a Comment